Being submissive

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Once again another blog about 50 Shades of Grey. Well, you’re wrong!

It’s not a secret that I’m a Christian but my faith, not my belief…my faith has been on a rollercoaster ride. More so because I’m confused about dating and the men in my life. But, it’s not all bad news!

I’ve been reading my Bible lately and I’m enjoying what it’s teaching me to my surprise. I won’t lie, I found it hard to “get into” but that would be as though I was treating it like any other book on the shelf, which it is not! I won’t bore you with the details of how my faith has dipped and peaked but I will say this: it’s not how many times you fall off that saddle that counts. It’s how many times you get up.

ANYWAY…! Slightly diverted there. I was going to tell you about what I was reading and what I’ve been thinking about lately: relationships and God. Growing up, it wasn’t hard to see how much my parents loved one another but also, how much they fought, for many reasons. My mom did all she could to hold her Christian faith and I know she still believes but her faith isn’t the strongest at her point in her life when she needs it most, I believe. When a couple come together from a religious background but one’s faith is stronger than the other, it can have a strain on the relationship. That’s what I believe anyway. I always thought this was the way.. people got together and after a while, they grew apart and fought, even though they deeply loved one another. But see, it isn’t just because of “growing apart”. It’s deeper than that. Much deeper. It’s deeper than the roots in your scalp or the trees in the ground. It’s so deep, you can hardly see it. It’s God. how am I going to follow Christ

Now, you’re thinking “howso?”. Well, God created Adam to take care of His earth but He believed Adam needed help, a partner, so he created Eve. Adam and Eve were made for one another- literally. But, my understanding is that God created Eve to help Adam and there are many parts in the Bible where God and prophets speak of women/wives should submit to their husbands and follow his lead. I don’t know about you but growing up in this day and age, I’ve grown accustomed to equality- men and women on equal levels. But see, I was wrong in using that same mindset in regards to a religious relationship. God didn’t create women to be of any LESS value than her husband. Nay. He created her the same way He created Jesus- to help her husband do His works on earth, the way God created Jesus. what God wants

Remember, Jesus and God are one, much the same as husband and wife are one. Jesus was put on earth to perform acts of God, with God being the leader, the decider, the commander, the ruler. However, God and Jesus aren’t equal. Jesus is purely God in human flesh. I don’t want to confuse you but I’m explaining how God wants relationships to be. Both being are on earth to work for their Almighty Father. They both make decisions, but when times come where the wife cannot aid in the decision making, the husband takes the lead and makes the decision for them both. She encourages him and is understanding, knowing that making the decisions is a large responsibility God has placed on their shoulders. ephesians-5-22-web

See, by submitting to her husband, the wife is submitting to God also. She is saying “Lord, I hand myself over to you. I entrust my life in Your hands and I trust you will place me in the tender loving arms of a man so perfectly designed for me, one to lead me and love me the way You have.”

All the information in my blog comes from this website:

Hopefully, you’ll see the light as I have and I hope that website sheds some more light on any questions or confusion you may feel.

God bless,

Megs xoxo

Online dating…should you try it?


Finding someone in the real world is difficult. (That’s an understatement!) So I took to online dating and thought that it may be a good way of meeting new people, possibly start something new…who knows? I tried everything…and I MEAN everything! I tried OKCupid, eHarmony, RSVP,, Tinder (yes, I tried Tinder), Chatroulette… I tried them all. and I spoke to a couple matches…we hit it off, tried to meet or did meet and it didn’t work out. These things happen. But for me, it didn’t stop there. I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this, but I check my online dating sites beyond regularly. I check it every minute, hour or day to see if I got that one special message from that one special someone saying he likes me or is interested in me and would like to take me out. I did it so often that it became an obsession, and that’s when I decided to stop! I’m giving the control to them, girls! I’m saying…”let me wait anxiously by the ‘phone’ for your reply or confirmation that I’m great” if I don’t get that confirmation, I spend hours contemplating why I’m not good enough? Why doesn’t he or anyone like me? NO! I REFUSE to do so! I am worthy because My God says I am and NOT because another man says so.

There is a video on Facebook, possibly YouTube, by a young woman belonging to a group called SOML (Story Of My Life) who talks about how she is beautiful because she says she is and she doesn’t need a song or a letter or a poem or message from a guy to tell her so. And it struck a chord. I’m not saying EVERY woman does but there are the few woman who do seek the attention of a male to help boost themselves and make themselves believe they are beautiful…Ladies, WE are beautiful because WE ARE! Not because another man finds us so. We are tall, confident and strong. We have sass and character, and A LOT to bring to the table. I believe that, once we realize this, we are in the right place to bring a man into our lives.

And this is what made me realize that I…am not. I’m not ready to give my everything to someone yet because I don’t quite feel I can stand on my own two feet without being held up by someone, a man. I believe being with someone shouldn’t be because they complete you but because they make your life interesting, fun and full of adventure. You don’t feel as though you NEED them. No. You WANT them… to join you on your journey as much as you want to be apart of theirs.

I am not means a dating guru and I have no idea what I’m doing or what I want but I believe what I mentioned above has a lot of value. Have a think… I may be wrong to you but it works for me.

God bless,



Taking the pressure off dating

Lets learn to take the pressure off dating and just enjoy getting to know someone deeply! can-we-take-the-pressure-off-of-date-night-please-1-size-3 I’ve heard that men find it hard to go on dates with a woman because they feel that she’s only seeing him to find out his intentions for the future. Of course we think about it. Naturally, most woman are wired to consider motherhood, and possibly marriage. Culture has demonstrated over the years the differences in how men view women and why men are seen to “only want sex” when really, they’re looking for a healthy partner. Men “do the deed” and women bare the berrins. Men take care of their partners by providing for them and women take care of the children and their significant other’s. But how do we eliminate those pre-empted assumptions of the future and enjoy the present moment?

I want to have fun getting to know a guy, exploring things with him, making memories, travelling, debating hot topics, paying games…without worrying whether he ticks all the boxes, if he’s any closer to being “the one”. I also want to know that the guy doesn’t feel pressure to be with me, to act a certain way or say certain things. I’m not saying it’s wrong for two people to enter a relationship with the intention of marrying or becoming more serious. Not at all! Marriage is a beautiful thing when there is still joy in being in the other’s company. I find people get to marriage, have children and then the flame dies out…and they soon get divorced. Marriage should be more than a destination. It should be a beautiful voice of confirmation to everyone (and themselves) that each partner wants to continue investing themselves in a loving, fun relationship.

I’ve been doing dating online, meeting guys and talking to them… not just because I long to fulfil the activities mentioned above but because I feel dating different guys is something that should have been done when I was much younger. I feel pressure at the age of 21 to be either married or in a serious long-term relationship because other girls around me are. Truth be told, I’m feeling anxious over dating already because I’m worried I will say or do something stupid, or I won’t be what the guy expected, or we’ll run out of things to talk about. Ever noticed that worrying about these things actually prevents you from enjoying the company of your date? It actually allows all or most of your concerns to be acted out and the date to be ruined. And I also think guys know girls feel pressure from surrounding girl’s in long-term relationships, so they stay clear because they aren’t in the right place in their lives to enter into something so serious.

Gosh! It’s so complicated!!! Much like Avril Lavigne says : “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. I FINALLY understand the meaning behind her lyrics, although they really aren’t that hard to comprehend anyway. All we should be is ourselves- all pressures, expectations and ideas eliminated. And ACCEPT that we aren’t a match for everyone and it’s okay to be rejected by someone, rather than force it along unnaturally when you have nothing in common. No dating profile will set you up with your perfect match. They aren’t God nor should they be. Your person is out there but in the meantime, lets just enjoy the process of getting to know someone…as a person, a friend…and see where it leads us.

I need to remind myself of everything I just said in this blog because I won’t lie, I make these mistakes all the time. I get wrapped up in the idea of being married and having children, a nice house, a good job.. The perfect “idea” of love and romance. TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Stop it Megan. Take it slow. Don’t try to mould someone into who you want them to be. Love each person as they are. If they aren’t what you’re really desiring, it’s okay. It’s another great friendship.

Here is a quote I read on someone else’s blog (Dating Advice from a Girl by Midori Lei) :

Somewhere along the way, you changed. You started thinking of time as something that was running out. You started focusing on the destination–marriage– and you stopped enjoying yourself along the way. -Nita Tucker

Who to be and who not to be…THAT is the question

Who and where would we all be if it weren’t for labels? Think about that for a second… STICK NOTES = ME Growing up, you automatically fall into groups according to your background and personal character. There were the kids that had plenty of money and wore better clothing, so they became the Popular kids. There were the people who played sports or were ‘cheerleaders’ on the sidelines, so they were the Jocks. There were the kids who were more academically minded and they became the Nerds.. And then there were people who kind of drifted somewhere in the middle as they dabbled in various activities. These people are generally the Inbetweeners. As time goes by, the majority of us feel the pressure of each group looming over us. The Popular kids have a standard to uphold, dress and behaviour wise. The Nerds become competitive with their grades; the Jocks become competitive in games or sporting activities held, and the Inbetweeners make their way through life by figuring out where THEY belong. Eventually, the Popular kids grow up to believe they need to maintain there social standard and develop means to do so. Be it hosting parties, clubbing, driving fancy cars and living in better neighbourhoods…if there’s a will, there’s a way. Nerds distinguish a field of study they each want to follow and do all they can to follow that path. The Inbetweeners either pick something and see how it goes or figure it out along they way. Isn’t it fascinating to realize that our lives were all planned out for us by decisions we made as children- in schools, among friends, at home? I believe God has a map of all of our lives but it’s up to us to choose an option, a path and follow it through. One decision and our whole lives are almost set in stone. For some anyway. I’m not a huge fan of labels because they make me feel trapped. However, I use them plenty of times myself because they take away the anxiety felt when trying to figure out what I want to be doing in my life; how I’m going to spend every moment before I one day pass away. Will I be mellow and go with the flow, without letting the stresses of life bog me down? Will I be into partying the night away and a social bee, whilst working in a job that pays well? Will I venture off into a field of study and develop a profession? Each question I ponder as I do a self-reflection and evaluate the characteristics I hold. After all, it’s virtually the same as filling in a job application online to see if the COMPANY thinks YOU’RE right for the job. In the end, you’ll only know who you are and your life’s purpose once you’ve failed a few times… I imagine a singer auditioning for a bunch of jobs using a newspaper, crossing off the ones not suited to her. I’m rambling now as it’s just gone 11pm…but I ponder all this because of a movie released this year called the Duff. Watch it! If you aren’t left feeling the same, then I’m going to accept that I am quite philosophical and complex haha. road less travelled by With much love, Megs xo



Domestic Violence banner

Here’s something I feel I need to share:

I grew up believing the way a father treats his daughter is the standard set for the men she will keep later. Men, BE THAT PERFECT GENTLEMAN with the knowledge that your daughter will grow up searching for a man as great as you. Otherwise, she’s lost and she forever longs to fill the emptiness in her heart. Women, defend your daughters against all odds. Protect their delicate hearts. Let them know that no man should ever treat them anything less than a perfect gentleman should.

A gentleman is more than someone who opens the door for you. A gentleman is someone who would fight for you, would love you endlessly and show you every chance he could. He is someone who would make you cry by giving you flowers and not by insulting you and hurting you in any way. He is someone who would lift you up and put you on a pedestal. NOT someone who puts you down with harsh words.
Full stop.
Don't keep calm. Stand up
With love,
~Megs x

Habits, the strangest of all things human

I was thinking about something today as I sat down and looked for new opportunities in other states…I was back to nibbling my once beautiful nails!

After months of wearing acrylic nails, nibbling on the skin around the nail (yes, I realize this is gross but I’m sure you have or know of habits worse than this), flicking the long tip of the nail against my finger, desperately attempting not to bite through the acrylic nail (as one can severely split the real nail underneath) and even resorting to putting band aids on the nails I tend to bite the most, I removed my acrylic nails…and they looked gorgeous and long and my idea of the perfect nail for me! BUT THEN…dun dun dun…as I learned a little while back that, with the good you have to accept the bad. This meaning that, after a good run of smooth sailing, I fell off course. I felt stressed for a number of different circumstances…which I shan’t bore you with. And so, with natural cause, I went right back to biting my nails. The skin is inflamed. The nails look tarnished. I feel disappointed.

Which leads me to talking about bad habits. What are yours? Come on, make me feel better by telling me all about your terrible habits you developed either subconsciously or consciously. No judgement (at least not out loud mwahaha) I kid…I think?

Lets change ‘bad habits’ to simply habits. Habits can be defined by dictionary.reference as the following:

habit hab·it (hāb’ĭt) n. A recurrent, often unconscious, pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. Physical constitution. An addiction…

As perfectly illustrated of a ‘bad’ habit in an act of broken heart, I have shared with you a link to a YouTube video of a song called ‘Habit’ by Swedish recording artist named Tove LO :

I don’t condone what Tove Lo did but this isn’t why I shared this with you. Habits are behaviours learned subconsciously. This artist took narcotics to rid her of the pain she felt after a particular break up she experienced. Like my nail biting, they CAN be unlearned through training and solely circumstantial. Of course, there are some people who struggle with addictions, which this could turn into. Alcoholism, smoking, nervous ticks, eye rolling, stammering…some of these are more serious than others. I want all of you to know there is help! You just have to want it bad enough to get it.

Onto funnier habits, through research I have found the strangest habits most wouldn’t think of. Only eating ice cream when it’s melted is one my dad enjoys. I have a favourite: smelling books before reading them- it sends me into an automatic, natural high. Or another is scratching my nose in awkward situations, fiddling with my hair when I’m uncomfortable, snorting when I laugh. My mom has a tick she makes in the inside of her mouth. Sometimes I just stare at people and giggle…other times, I cringe. A man on the bus was sitting diagonal from me and picked his nose. He continued to gross me out by rolling it into a ball and eating it. I nearly puked!

kid picking nose

Share any that you know of and I promise to try not laugh. We all have them😛

Sincerely grossed out,


Is this it?

Please let me vent. I know I had intentions on this blog to cheer others on and talk about the positives in life but I need to just…talk about some things. Change is an ongoing part of life but I thought the so called ‘mid life crisis’ was meant to come MID life…I’m only 20. TWENTY. My life has resorted to work, eat and sleep. Oh…wait… I have the gym now too. And my social life… really? Lets just say I actually look forward to work because I get see someone else’s face other than my own, in the mirror.

You know, a customer paid me a beautiful compliment today and tears came to my eyes. He told me that he wants to tell someone of authority at my work how beautiful a person I am. He said that when I look at someone, a customer, directly into the eyes… it made them (him) feel safe. He wasn’t hitting on me. He is a father with a daughter in the police force. He suffers PTSD after serving in the army. My heart still melts and is truly touched by such a kind, pure, genuine gesture like that. I thank God for that man; that blessing. My dad got made redundant the other day and he’s nearly 50. My parents don’t have much money for retirement or a house of their own… and they’re up to their necks in debt. I’m scared out of my mind because I don’t know what I am going to do for the rest of my life and my little sister, 18, is going to America for college. I’m scared I will end up working in a dead end job with debt…like my parents. But I don’t know what to study, if I want to study. I don’t know my worth…what am I good at, what are my talents, why am I here? I take one step forward and two steps back. I want to cut myself a break… I want a break. I’m exhausted.

What is my purpose? I want to do something great and inspiring with my life! But what?

With a sad heart,


Mental Health Awareness.

You know how people have group meetings for Alcoholics? I wonder if they have them for mentally ill patients?

I’m depressed. I was diagnosed officially when I was just 17, though I knew and my mother knew when I was very young. But I’m ashamed. I feel abnormal and that I don’t belong. You get that feeling sometimes? Like you’re an outsider? Like people are looking at you with pity but you don’t know why? It’s horrible and it’s extremely lonely because…you see, not every mentally ill patient is EXACTLY the same. Sure, we may show similar symptoms but the reasoning behind those symptoms is hardly ever the same. We may all share similar diagnosis’ and possibly similar situations. But we are NOT the same people…therefore, how could anyone who suffers or doesn’t suffer comprehend EXACTLY what each of us is going through? No one could. Not even Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Counselors or Therapists.

I try having and maintaining a simple conversation with someone without allowing negative thoughts or topics arising and that’s one of the hardest parts: pretending. Pretending everything is okay when they really aren’t. Pretending I’m happy when I’m really not. Smiling when I really want to cry or scream or shout.

Today, the past week, the past month…they have been ‘bad’ day(s). Apparently I’m experiencing a Major Depressive Episode. You know, I never thought I, Megan Ashleigh Hill, would ever be one to have that negative, bitter, ‘depressing’ label thrown onto me. It’s like being labelled gay, lesbian, black, white, yellow, green, purple… LABELS. They are awful! The separate each of us further from each other as if we couldn’t be further apart already.

Situations, circumstances, people, places…they all add to how an individual feels. I have a stalker. I have decided to withdraw from university too. I have moved home to my parents to save money. I don’t feel safe in my job because of my stalker. I have isolated myself so much already…and to have my family and I bicker of something so minute gets to me. I’m in a country who’s people I may not have all met. Yet the small selection I have are the furthest from pleasant.

You know, my depression is more than feeling worthless or unimportant or pathetic. It’s a weed that crawls through my life and eats away at all the beautiful flowers still left. I lose friends because they cannot deal with my mood swings and lack of activity. I have arguments with my parents because I enjoy lounging in my pjs and watching movies or reading or doing absolutely nothing all day. It’s exhausting for them? for you? HOW ABOUT FOR ME? The ONE individual who HAS to live with this disease! The one who cannot explain to anyone else what is going through their minds or how they are feeling because NO ONE ELSE WILL UNDERSTAND/GET IT. I have to rely on MYSELF to pick MYSELF up and smile. When I have a ‘good day’…I CELEBRATE by myself because often it’s wrong timing for everyone else. And once again, I feel lonely.

I cannot begin to make you aware of what depression does for the sufferer. For those of you who don’t believe it exists, you HAVE TO buck up your ideas buddy because it’s people like you who often make people who suffer feel worse. I wish the one person who has most control over my life, my dad, could see and understand. My life would be so much easier.

If I can reach out to ONE person today by posting this, my day will be made.

Take it seriously. Hold out a hand for someone who suffers any mental illness and provide that shoulder for them to cry on. Be understanding and let them speak negatively from time to time…but also kick their asses and do something with them. Don’t push them away because of their illness. Invite them out for tea or lunch. Anything to involve them.
Avoiding them like they are the plague only makes it worse- for you and for them.

~Megsmental health poster

The Bucket List

I’ve just started thinking about a bucket list, which is easily defined by Google as “a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.”. How I got thinking about this you ask…well, two of my friends created a list of things to do this July break between semesters. They’re quaint things but nonetheless, important and simplistic. One of them wrote “sowing pants” onto the list. Another was “hike”. And it made me think… 

I know in one of my previous blogs I posted about the places I DREAM of going and the things I want to do whilst being there. Why make the bucket list something you do before you die? I mean, surely you wouldn’t want to live your whole life one day to the next merely fulfilling a few measly tasks the day throws at you. If that satisfies you, I say congrats!🙂 But not for me. I have so many quiet moments where I either spend my time reading a book or watching movies. I may even go out with friends..but what if I came up with a list of things I want to do whenever I have a spare moment? Wouldn’t that be great? There wouldn’t be a dull moment in my day.

I have not only my two friends to thank but two bloggers who recently started following me: Christine Barba, who’s blog is titled Project Light to Life (follow her here: AND a blog titled This Man’s Journey (follow him here: Both of these beautiful people describe happiness and show ways off finding it. The Bucket list idea I saw on Christine’s blog as sh comes up with what seems to be day to day little ways of finding that happiness…just by starting with kind gestures to others. Her belief is that giving someone else happiness helps you find your own. 

So, I’m starting today. This isn’t going to be a piece of paper I stick on my wall. I HAVE to do this! I will openly admit to not sticking to something and losing the willpower to stick through it, meaning THIS is one small step to changing all that. 


I hope this can inspire a spark in your life.