Taking the pressure off dating

Lets learn to take the pressure off dating and just enjoy getting to know someone deeply! can-we-take-the-pressure-off-of-date-night-please-1-size-3 I’ve heard that men find it hard to go on dates with a woman because they feel that she’s only seeing him to find out his intentions for the future. Of course we think about it. Naturally, most woman are wired to consider motherhood, and possibly marriage. Culture has demonstrated over the years the differences in how men view women and why men are seen to “only want sex” when really, they’re looking for a healthy partner. Men “do the deed” and women bare the berrins. Men take care of their partners by providing for them and women take care of the children and their significant other’s. But how do we eliminate those pre-empted assumptions of the future and enjoy the present moment?

I want to have fun getting to know a guy, exploring things with him, making memories, travelling, debating hot topics, paying games…without worrying whether he ticks all the boxes, if he’s any closer to being “the one”. I also want to know that the guy doesn’t feel pressure to be with me, to act a certain way or say certain things. I’m not saying it’s wrong for two people to enter a relationship with the intention of marrying or becoming more serious. Not at all! Marriage is a beautiful thing when there is still joy in being in the other’s company. I find people get to marriage, have children and then the flame dies out…and they soon get divorced. Marriage should be more than a destination. It should be a beautiful voice of confirmation to everyone (and themselves) that each partner wants to continue investing themselves in a loving, fun relationship.

I’ve been doing dating online, meeting guys and talking to them… not just because I long to fulfil the activities mentioned above but because I feel dating different guys is something that should have been done when I was much younger. I feel pressure at the age of 21 to be either married or in a serious long-term relationship because other girls around me are. Truth be told, I’m feeling anxious over dating already because I’m worried I will say or do something stupid, or I won’t be what the guy expected, or we’ll run out of things to talk about. Ever noticed that worrying about these things actually prevents you from enjoying the company of your date? It actually allows all or most of your concerns to be acted out and the date to be ruined. And I also think guys know girls feel pressure from surrounding girl’s in long-term relationships, so they stay clear because they aren’t in the right place in their lives to enter into something so serious.

Gosh! It’s so complicated!!! Much like Avril Lavigne says : “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. I FINALLY understand the meaning behind her lyrics, although they really aren’t that hard to comprehend anyway. All we should be is ourselves- all pressures, expectations and ideas eliminated. And ACCEPT that we aren’t a match for everyone and it’s okay to be rejected by someone, rather than force it along unnaturally when you have nothing in common. No dating profile will set you up with your perfect match. They aren’t God nor should they be. Your person is out there but in the meantime, lets just enjoy the process of getting to know someone…as a person, a friend…and see where it leads us.

I need to remind myself of everything I just said in this blog because I won’t lie, I make these mistakes all the time. I get wrapped up in the idea of being married and having children, a nice house, a good job.. The perfect “idea” of love and romance. TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Stop it Megan. Take it slow. Don’t try to mould someone into who you want them to be. Love each person as they are. If they aren’t what you’re really desiring, it’s okay. It’s another great friendship.

Here is a quote I read on someone else’s blog (Dating Advice from a Girl by Midori Lei) :

Somewhere along the way, you changed. You started thinking of time as something that was running out. You started focusing on the destination–marriage– and you stopped enjoying yourself along the way. -Nita Tucker

We’re only human

Everyone says that life is a continuous learning process. I never quite understood the full meaning of such a phrase until recently. They also say that university happens to be one of the best places to learn. I hate to say it to all those cynics out there but it happens to be true. But you know, like me, you’ll never know the extent to which it is true until you fully experience it yourself. HONESTLY. Don’t roll your eyes at me. It’s true. I was just like you. I was tired of hearing the same old advice from the same old people. I was and still am a cynic at heart…doubting everyone and everything. 

One of the lessons I seem to have discovered is that of love. As you may or may not know, I’m also a romantic. A cynical one but still…a romantic. I used to think that love came in the form so expressed in movies with the reason being that, well, someone had to come up with that story right? Someone thought about it, wrote it and created it as if they believed it existed (possibly because they experienced or are experiencing it). So I didn’t have much reason to doubt it. At least I wasn’t alone in believing in such a beauty. However, ever since I’ve hit university grounds, my dating life has soared. I’ve also experienced the heartache that comes from a real relationship. I say REAL because, for me, the years of meeting guys online from other countries wasn’t a REAL representation of what a dating life, or LOVE, should be like.

Through meeting different kinds of guys in person, I’ve learned that the rom-com’s only represent one kind of love. It’s an ideal kind of love. But they don’t fully illustrate the length of time it takes to properly, deeply and totally immerse yourself into love! And so, with the little knowledge that I previously had on love (based on movies, books and the rocky relationship my parents still have), I decided to form an idea of what I expected love to be. When I met someone online and they ticked the boxes, I thought I’d “fallen in love”…even though it had been merely a few days/weeks. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe that love has a time frame (within in reason of course) and I do believe in love at first sight. But since my real dating experience has begun, I’ve come to realize that love, for some, doesn’t always happen instantaneously. It takes time. Practice. Patience. Work. Guidance. It’s got to be nurtured. Image

All the men that I had spoken to that I didn’t give the time of day too could have been a somewhat perfect opportunity to learn this sooner. But see, we’re only human. We’re impatient. We want things and we want them NOW. 

Now, currently…I am seeing a lovely guy who has a really big heart and treats me well. I’ve been seeing him on and off for a few months and I thought I was ready to give up after one month of knowing him. But I didn’t KNOW him. I knew of him. I decided to give it time and, although he seems to be complex now, I know it’s because I don’t KNOW him well enough. So, I’m giving it more time, more patience and work. A little guidance here and there too haha. I’m learning about myself and about how relationships work- and believe me COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! I cannot emphasize that enough! 

Also…before jumping into anything (or anyone 😛 haha), make sure that there are no voids in your life that you think/believe a relationship will fill. I know that you feel that having someone there to pick you up each time you fall and support you and love you no matter what..would help, but that help only comes when you’ve filled the void without using them. Meaning: be happy so that when a relationship comes along, you would be okay with AND without it. 

Okay?

Forever you cynical romantic, 

~Megs