Please let me vent. I know I had intentions on this blog to cheer others on and talk about the positives in life but I need to just…talk about some things. Change is an ongoing part of life but I thought the so called ‘mid life crisis’ was meant to come MID life…I’m only 20. TWENTY. My life has resorted to work, eat and sleep. Oh…wait… I have the gym now too. And my social life… really? Lets just say I actually look forward to work because I get see someone else’s face other than my own, in the mirror.
You know, a customer paid me a beautiful compliment today and tears came to my eyes. He told me that he wants to tell someone of authority at my work how beautiful a person I am. He said that when I look at someone, a customer, directly into the eyes… it made them (him) feel safe. He wasn’t hitting on me. He is a father with a daughter in the police force. He suffers PTSD after serving in the army. My heart still melts and is truly touched by such a kind, pure, genuine gesture like that. I thank God for that man; that blessing. My dad got made redundant the other day and he’s nearly 50. My parents don’t have much money for retirement or a house of their own… and they’re up to their necks in debt. I’m scared out of my mind because I don’t know what I am going to do for the rest of my life and my little sister, 18, is going to America for college. I’m scared I will end up working in a dead end job with debt…like my parents. But I don’t know what to study, if I want to study. I don’t know my worth…what am I good at, what are my talents, why am I here? I take one step forward and two steps back. I want to cut myself a break… I want a break. I’m exhausted.
What is my purpose? I want to do something great and inspiring with my life! But what?
With a sad heart,