Taking the pressure off dating

Lets learn to take the pressure off dating and just enjoy getting to know someone deeply! can-we-take-the-pressure-off-of-date-night-please-1-size-3 I’ve heard that men find it hard to go on dates with a woman because they feel that she’s only seeing him to find out his intentions for the future. Of course we think about it. Naturally, most woman are wired to consider motherhood, and possibly marriage. Culture has demonstrated over the years the differences in how men view women and why men are seen to “only want sex” when really, they’re looking for a healthy partner. Men “do the deed” and women bare the berrins. Men take care of their partners by providing for them and women take care of the children and their significant other’s. But how do we eliminate those pre-empted assumptions of the future and enjoy the present moment?

I want to have fun getting to know a guy, exploring things with him, making memories, travelling, debating hot topics, paying games…without worrying whether he ticks all the boxes, if he’s any closer to being “the one”. I also want to know that the guy doesn’t feel pressure to be with me, to act a certain way or say certain things. I’m not saying it’s wrong for two people to enter a relationship with the intention of marrying or becoming more serious. Not at all! Marriage is a beautiful thing when there is still joy in being in the other’s company. I find people get to marriage, have children and then the flame dies out…and they soon get divorced. Marriage should be more than a destination. It should be a beautiful voice of confirmation to everyone (and themselves) that each partner wants to continue investing themselves in a loving, fun relationship.

I’ve been doing dating online, meeting guys and talking to them… not just because I long to fulfil the activities mentioned above but because I feel dating different guys is something that should have been done when I was much younger. I feel pressure at the age of 21 to be either married or in a serious long-term relationship because other girls around me are. Truth be told, I’m feeling anxious over dating already because I’m worried I will say or do something stupid, or I won’t be what the guy expected, or we’ll run out of things to talk about. Ever noticed that worrying about these things actually prevents you from enjoying the company of your date? It actually allows all or most of your concerns to be acted out and the date to be ruined. And I also think guys know girls feel pressure from surrounding girl’s in long-term relationships, so they stay clear because they aren’t in the right place in their lives to enter into something so serious.

Gosh! It’s so complicated!!! Much like Avril Lavigne says : “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. I FINALLY understand the meaning behind her lyrics, although they really aren’t that hard to comprehend anyway. All we should be is ourselves- all pressures, expectations and ideas eliminated. And ACCEPT that we aren’t a match for everyone and it’s okay to be rejected by someone, rather than force it along unnaturally when you have nothing in common. No dating profile will set you up with your perfect match. They aren’t God nor should they be. Your person is out there but in the meantime, lets just enjoy the process of getting to know someone…as a person, a friend…and see where it leads us.

I need to remind myself of everything I just said in this blog because I won’t lie, I make these mistakes all the time. I get wrapped up in the idea of being married and having children, a nice house, a good job.. The perfect “idea” of love and romance. TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Stop it Megan. Take it slow. Don’t try to mould someone into who you want them to be. Love each person as they are. If they aren’t what you’re really desiring, it’s okay. It’s another great friendship.

Here is a quote I read on someone else’s blog (Dating Advice from a Girl by Midori Lei) :

Somewhere along the way, you changed. You started thinking of time as something that was running out. You started focusing on the destination–marriage– and you stopped enjoying yourself along the way. -Nita Tucker

We’re only human

Everyone says that life is a continuous learning process. I never quite understood the full meaning of such a phrase until recently. They also say that university happens to be one of the best places to learn. I hate to say it to all those cynics out there but it happens to be true. But you know, like me, you’ll never know the extent to which it is true until you fully experience it yourself. HONESTLY. Don’t roll your eyes at me. It’s true. I was just like you. I was tired of hearing the same old advice from the same old people. I was and still am a cynic at heart…doubting everyone and everything. 

One of the lessons I seem to have discovered is that of love. As you may or may not know, I’m also a romantic. A cynical one but still…a romantic. I used to think that love came in the form so expressed in movies with the reason being that, well, someone had to come up with that story right? Someone thought about it, wrote it and created it as if they believed it existed (possibly because they experienced or are experiencing it). So I didn’t have much reason to doubt it. At least I wasn’t alone in believing in such a beauty. However, ever since I’ve hit university grounds, my dating life has soared. I’ve also experienced the heartache that comes from a real relationship. I say REAL because, for me, the years of meeting guys online from other countries wasn’t a REAL representation of what a dating life, or LOVE, should be like.

Through meeting different kinds of guys in person, I’ve learned that the rom-com’s only represent one kind of love. It’s an ideal kind of love. But they don’t fully illustrate the length of time it takes to properly, deeply and totally immerse yourself into love! And so, with the little knowledge that I previously had on love (based on movies, books and the rocky relationship my parents still have), I decided to form an idea of what I expected love to be. When I met someone online and they ticked the boxes, I thought I’d “fallen in love”…even though it had been merely a few days/weeks. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe that love has a time frame (within in reason of course) and I do believe in love at first sight. But since my real dating experience has begun, I’ve come to realize that love, for some, doesn’t always happen instantaneously. It takes time. Practice. Patience. Work. Guidance. It’s got to be nurtured. Image

All the men that I had spoken to that I didn’t give the time of day too could have been a somewhat perfect opportunity to learn this sooner. But see, we’re only human. We’re impatient. We want things and we want them NOW. 

Now, currently…I am seeing a lovely guy who has a really big heart and treats me well. I’ve been seeing him on and off for a few months and I thought I was ready to give up after one month of knowing him. But I didn’t KNOW him. I knew of him. I decided to give it time and, although he seems to be complex now, I know it’s because I don’t KNOW him well enough. So, I’m giving it more time, more patience and work. A little guidance here and there too haha. I’m learning about myself and about how relationships work- and believe me COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! I cannot emphasize that enough! 

Also…before jumping into anything (or anyone 😛 haha), make sure that there are no voids in your life that you think/believe a relationship will fill. I know that you feel that having someone there to pick you up each time you fall and support you and love you no matter what..would help, but that help only comes when you’ve filled the void without using them. Meaning: be happy so that when a relationship comes along, you would be okay with AND without it. 

Okay?

Forever you cynical romantic, 

~Megs

 

IT’S BEEN TOO LONG!

What a magical, weird start to a bizarre year! 

So I haven’t posted in a few weeks…don’t hate me. Surely my blog didn’t have THAT big an influence on your life. Haha. I kid ( I think? ).

Anyway! Let me fill you in the blanks…

I’m at university now. Yes. I have joined THEM! And, I have to say, it is EVERYTHING they make it out to be- the partying, the on-campus living, the classes, the people, the clubs, the oh-so fun studying. But everyone seemed to under-exaggerate the pressure. However, if I could tell you every single detail about the past few months, BELIEVE ME I would! It’s been the craziest, wildest roller coaster ride. All I can remember are the nights out. We (as in us village people) now have a spot we go to each Wednesday because they have discounts on drinks- something like $3 for a beer, $8 for a vodka mixed drink. It’s quite sad, in the funniest way possible, because, as a student, you can afford LITERALLY the bare minimum. When you run out of food, your neighbours are your best friends. It’s as though we have developed this secret, unspoken code. But…there’s ALWAYS a but…one horrible thing about living so close together is that everyone knows everyone’s business. NO KIDDING! Nothing gets by them. Now we have just decided to just shout it across to each other from our apartments because we have realised that everyone else is bound to find out sooner or later. And the sex scandals…OH the sex scandals. It’s hilarious the stories they come up with these days. But it’s entertainment in it’s own pathetically-obviously-funny way. 

But, ahem. That is NOT why you’re at university, Megan! Dammit. They shouldn’t be getting that impression. No! It’s all about the degree, the studying, the classes….the boys, the parties…well, actually, I’ve come to realize, it’s actually about learning to find a balance. 

So that’s my wonderful message for today folks! 

Find a balance in your life if you don’t already have one. 

You need it.

Trust me.

It’s for your own sanity.

Lots of love, 

Megs, xoxo

A fantastic start to a fantastic year!

I’ve begun my journey everyone! 

Yesterday, I moved into my room in my apartment, made possible by my aunt and uncle in the UK. So far, I’ve met two out of five roommates- Sarah (21, studying Teaching) and Pippa (17, studying Aviation). They’re so much fun and we get along really well. Last night we bought bottles of cheap white wine, as REAL university students do, and laughed and chatted about anything guys and university related. It was truly a great start the year. Pippa is quite the quirky soul and has such a great sense of humour. The two of us have devised a plan to get into shape, starting with a 45minute walk yesterday and 10 minutes stretch.  My biggest motivation is my 21st next year with my long-life best friend (I always feel like I’m describing milk when I use that phrase), Carmel, who lives in South Africa. We’re planning to do a cruise to Mauritius next December/! It will be about 6/7 years since we’ve physically seen each other so I’m GOING TO make this happen!!! I’m going to rock a bikini….hoping to make all the guys drool Image

 

This year is going to be fantastic! Busy but nonetheless, utterly fantastic, in a rollercoaster ride kinda way. There will be parties, study cramming, late nights causing dark circles under eyes, tears of joy and tears of sadness. There will be nights where I have confidence to conquer the world and then nights when…I won’t. Haha. But boy, I’m looking forward to it, with a big ball of butterflies flying around in the knots forming in my stomach. 

I woke up this morning, disorientated, and realized …CRAP! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING. My nerves have settled sightly. I had this crazy idea that there would be lots of parties the first night but not everyone has moved in so it’s awfully quiet, (she says now when she’ll appreciate it later). So I’ve had my morning cup of coffee and read three more chapters of The Fault in Our Stars and now I’m updating you all on my journey thus far. I realized that I haven’t blogged in a REALLY long time but my life dudes…it’s getting really hectic and I LOVE IT! I have to now juggle a job AND studies…and a social life. THIS is what I want! 😀

In hope it doesn’t wear off, 

I wish you all the best of happiness and hope to hear from you soon. 

Lots of love,

God bless,

xoxo

-Megs

GO LOVE! GO LOVE! (she chants)

I don’t have much to say tonight apart from…I can’t wait to fall in love for the last time 😀 To meet the man that my God so perfectly designed and carefully placed in my life at the right time….

I see and hear of couples falling in love and I’m always so negative about how non-existent my love life is but I shouldn’t be. Instead of being sad, I should be filled with hope because if they can have that, what’s stopping me or YOU for that matter?

I LOVE ‘love’ and the idea of love. To be so completely besotted with someone for the rest of your life…to wake up to them every morning, to plan a life together so that it’s nearly perfectly intertwined… #suchahopelessromantic I tell ya!

Now, the patience part I need to master. . .

Until next time,

God bless

xoxo

 

Meaning of love and it’s sources

Love.

What does it mean? To love someone?

I have been lucky enough to hear people tell me they love me. Family, friends, one or two guys but it can mean so many different things in different situations. The general definition of love is to adore someone unconditionally, threw thick and thin, flaws and all.

Recently, this guy I know told me he loved me.  I asked him what he meant and he said he loved me for the person that I was- the way he respected me, the way we spoke and how he has gotten to know me over the past few months. He had a little to drink and I confronted him about it. He said it’s like ‘dutch-courage’, telling someone how you feel about them after having a few. It upsets me that someone feels they can only tell me how they feel once they’ve had a few to drink. I understand it because he’s a shy guy. He’s lovely! I LOVE talking to him and he often tells me the same. Often. However, he lives in the UK and I live in Australia. He told me he does have feelings for me. He said that, if he met me in person, there is no doubt he’d fall in love with me. Might I remind you he had a few drinks. So I honestly have no idea what to think. He doesn’t really tell me what he truly means. And am I reading into it all? Might I also add that his heart has been broken and he doesn’t feel he could ever allow someone in so he could love them, romantically speaking. 

So the reason I brought this up is because I want to know your thoughts on meeting people, be it online or off (in person). From personal experiences in the past, online dating doesn’t end well. The fact that it ends says it all. There are tears shed and heartache on both sides. In reality, most of the time you never really know if the two of you would ever actually have the opportunity to meet due to travel expenses, family responsibility, a job, studies- just general life getting in the way. Sure, there’s things like Skype and Viber…but that can only help so much. There is no physical interaction, and by that I’m not referring to sex. I’m meaning being with each other, going on dates, holding each other’s hands, kissing, cuddling..that kinda thing. 

Yet, I bet we ALL know how hard it is to meet people on person. You notice someone looking and you and you smile at each other. But it doesn’t go further than that. You don’t approach them because you’re shy or nervous and wouldn’t know what to say. On the ‘net, it’s easier because it’s a chat box and you can type with confidence because you can edit what you want to say. Yeah, there are the creeps who mislead you into having sex. But occasionally, the good guy comes along. Hell, you might even meet ‘the one’ online and you wouldn’t know it. 

I’ve never had a boyfriend. I lack experience in many ways. Never been kissed. Never been on a date. Approached by a guy once at a club but that’s about it. I tried meeting someone online but I felt sneaky keeping it from my parents. So I’ve stopped that now. I know I’m only 20. I guess, even though I feel slight pressure to meet someone because I see so many of my friends who are my age, getting married, I would love to be wined and dined by a guy. I’d love to romanced with flowers, kisses on the forehead, cuddles, movie nights in, deep and meaningful conversations… For those who aren’t romantic, you might say that’s a bit O.T.T but so what? There are SO many people who have that already. Who’s to stop me from having it. 

Anyway, I REALLY would love to hear what you think so drop me a comment in the REPLY box and let me know 🙂

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Until then,

God bless

xoxo

-Megs

Peace of mind

I thought I’d quickly share this thought 🙂 it’s more on the pleasant side of things seeing as I’ve been so serious lately haha.

I have had a few ups and downs lately, just the normal pattern of life but what I realised is, for at least 10 minutes before I fall asleep, I close my eyes and just focus on my breathing. I focus on God and everything that’s going well in my life and I smile. The crappy days I have had lately are erased and all I can do is smile because I know that, if I can get through this, I can get through anything with the strength and faith in my God 🙂

God bless

xoxo

-Megs