Lets learn to take the pressure off dating and just enjoy getting to know someone deeply! I’ve heard that men find it hard to go on dates with a woman because they feel that she’s only seeing him to find out his intentions for the future. Of course we think about it. Naturally, most woman are wired to consider motherhood, and possibly marriage. Culture has demonstrated over the years the differences in how men view women and why men are seen to “only want sex” when really, they’re looking for a healthy partner. Men “do the deed” and women bare the berrins. Men take care of their partners by providing for them and women take care of the children and their significant other’s. But how do we eliminate those pre-empted assumptions of the future and enjoy the present moment?
I want to have fun getting to know a guy, exploring things with him, making memories, travelling, debating hot topics, paying games…without worrying whether he ticks all the boxes, if he’s any closer to being “the one”. I also want to know that the guy doesn’t feel pressure to be with me, to act a certain way or say certain things. I’m not saying it’s wrong for two people to enter a relationship with the intention of marrying or becoming more serious. Not at all! Marriage is a beautiful thing when there is still joy in being in the other’s company. I find people get to marriage, have children and then the flame dies out…and they soon get divorced. Marriage should be more than a destination. It should be a beautiful voice of confirmation to everyone (and themselves) that each partner wants to continue investing themselves in a loving, fun relationship.
I’ve been doing dating online, meeting guys and talking to them… not just because I long to fulfil the activities mentioned above but because I feel dating different guys is something that should have been done when I was much younger. I feel pressure at the age of 21 to be either married or in a serious long-term relationship because other girls around me are. Truth be told, I’m feeling anxious over dating already because I’m worried I will say or do something stupid, or I won’t be what the guy expected, or we’ll run out of things to talk about. Ever noticed that worrying about these things actually prevents you from enjoying the company of your date? It actually allows all or most of your concerns to be acted out and the date to be ruined. And I also think guys know girls feel pressure from surrounding girl’s in long-term relationships, so they stay clear because they aren’t in the right place in their lives to enter into something so serious.
Gosh! It’s so complicated!!! Much like Avril Lavigne says : “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. I FINALLY understand the meaning behind her lyrics, although they really aren’t that hard to comprehend anyway. All we should be is ourselves- all pressures, expectations and ideas eliminated. And ACCEPT that we aren’t a match for everyone and it’s okay to be rejected by someone, rather than force it along unnaturally when you have nothing in common. No dating profile will set you up with your perfect match. They aren’t God nor should they be. Your person is out there but in the meantime, lets just enjoy the process of getting to know someone…as a person, a friend…and see where it leads us.
I need to remind myself of everything I just said in this blog because I won’t lie, I make these mistakes all the time. I get wrapped up in the idea of being married and having children, a nice house, a good job.. The perfect “idea” of love and romance. TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Stop it Megan. Take it slow. Don’t try to mould someone into who you want them to be. Love each person as they are. If they aren’t what you’re really desiring, it’s okay. It’s another great friendship.
Here is a quote I read on someone else’s blog (Dating Advice from a Girl by Midori Lei) :
Somewhere along the way, you changed. You started thinking of time as something that was running out. You started focusing on the destination–marriage– and you stopped enjoying yourself along the way. -Nita Tucker