Taking the pressure off dating

Lets learn to take the pressure off dating and just enjoy getting to know someone deeply! can-we-take-the-pressure-off-of-date-night-please-1-size-3 I’ve heard that men find it hard to go on dates with a woman because they feel that she’s only seeing him to find out his intentions for the future. Of course we think about it. Naturally, most woman are wired to consider motherhood, and possibly marriage. Culture has demonstrated over the years the differences in how men view women and why men are seen to “only want sex” when really, they’re looking for a healthy partner. Men “do the deed” and women bare the berrins. Men take care of their partners by providing for them and women take care of the children and their significant other’s. But how do we eliminate those pre-empted assumptions of the future and enjoy the present moment?

I want to have fun getting to know a guy, exploring things with him, making memories, travelling, debating hot topics, paying games…without worrying whether he ticks all the boxes, if he’s any closer to being “the one”. I also want to know that the guy doesn’t feel pressure to be with me, to act a certain way or say certain things. I’m not saying it’s wrong for two people to enter a relationship with the intention of marrying or becoming more serious. Not at all! Marriage is a beautiful thing when there is still joy in being in the other’s company. I find people get to marriage, have children and then the flame dies out…and they soon get divorced. Marriage should be more than a destination. It should be a beautiful voice of confirmation to everyone (and themselves) that each partner wants to continue investing themselves in a loving, fun relationship.

I’ve been doing dating online, meeting guys and talking to them… not just because I long to fulfil the activities mentioned above but because I feel dating different guys is something that should have been done when I was much younger. I feel pressure at the age of 21 to be either married or in a serious long-term relationship because other girls around me are. Truth be told, I’m feeling anxious over dating already because I’m worried I will say or do something stupid, or I won’t be what the guy expected, or we’ll run out of things to talk about. Ever noticed that worrying about these things actually prevents you from enjoying the company of your date? It actually allows all or most of your concerns to be acted out and the date to be ruined. And I also think guys know girls feel pressure from surrounding girl’s in long-term relationships, so they stay clear because they aren’t in the right place in their lives to enter into something so serious.

Gosh! It’s so complicated!!! Much like Avril Lavigne says : “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. I FINALLY understand the meaning behind her lyrics, although they really aren’t that hard to comprehend anyway. All we should be is ourselves- all pressures, expectations and ideas eliminated. And ACCEPT that we aren’t a match for everyone and it’s okay to be rejected by someone, rather than force it along unnaturally when you have nothing in common. No dating profile will set you up with your perfect match. They aren’t God nor should they be. Your person is out there but in the meantime, lets just enjoy the process of getting to know someone…as a person, a friend…and see where it leads us.

I need to remind myself of everything I just said in this blog because I won’t lie, I make these mistakes all the time. I get wrapped up in the idea of being married and having children, a nice house, a good job.. The perfect “idea” of love and romance. TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Stop it Megan. Take it slow. Don’t try to mould someone into who you want them to be. Love each person as they are. If they aren’t what you’re really desiring, it’s okay. It’s another great friendship.

Here is a quote I read on someone else’s blog (Dating Advice from a Girl by Midori Lei) :

Somewhere along the way, you changed. You started thinking of time as something that was running out. You started focusing on the destination–marriage– and you stopped enjoying yourself along the way. -Nita Tucker

Advertisements

Time Travelling back to when True Romance existed.

I think I’m in love with Love. Is that possible?

This magical thing…this feeling…this beautiful creation between people…the one thing we are all capable of and all share. 

No matter what I do, I’m always searching for it. I have gone about it in so many ways. I’ve tried waiting for my “special someone” to find me as every single one of my friends say, who are all in serious relationships might I add. I’ve tried going out all dressed up and drinking with friends, but then the majority of the guys you meet in pubs and clubs aren’t looking for the same thing you’re looking for. I’ve tried dating apps on my phone who find singles around me and guess what…they always seem to JUST WANT SEX. Now, I’ve resorted to dating sites like Oasis (because it’s free and I’m a student living on the bare minimal). And sure, I’ve met one or two guys who intrigue me but…it’s always sex…which is GREAT btw. But…It’s not like me. I’m not someone who wants to jump into the bed with a guy after one date. Yet, it happens a lot because a) I have little control (Shamefully) and b) I feel as though that’s what’s important to men nowadays. I’ve sold out. What kind of person am I if I’m willing to “sell out” to a guy and throw away everything I’ve stood for? 

I can’t forgive myself. But I’m struggling like the rest of you singletons. Dating just isn’t easy nowadays! BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO DAMN HARD? Or do we make it harder than it needs to be?

You know, I often sit and wonder why it’s all changed or if my idea of love is wrong…if my expectations of love and relationships and guys are too high. But then a little voice comes into my head. Never lower your standards because everyone else can’t meet them. Does that mean I’m going to be single for the rest of my life? Is it punishment for wanting a genuinely good guy who won’t place such high importance on sex…who wants to settle down someday and take me to meet his parents…to wait til we are married to make love to have children because we love one another that much? I wish I could get answers to these questions. 

Do we really have to resort to books on How To Date in order to find Mr. Perfect? Surely, it’s not THAT pathetic. I’m not even 20 yet but I still have an idea of what I want and yet the men I meet can’t seem to figure it out. Or at least, that’s what they tell me… Is that the “new” way of turning a girl down now boys? It’s pretty lame. 

Instead of finding cures for cancer, they should find a way to create time travel so that hopeless romantics like myself can go back in time to when true romance was alive and marriage meant a lot more than a signature on a piece of paper. 

Yours sincerely,

Forever a cynical, doubtful, utterly HOPELESS romantic,

~Megs.