I think I’m in love with Love. Is that possible?
This magical thing…this feeling…this beautiful creation between people…the one thing we are all capable of and all share.
No matter what I do, I’m always searching for it. I have gone about it in so many ways. I’ve tried waiting for my “special someone” to find me as every single one of my friends say, who are all in serious relationships might I add. I’ve tried going out all dressed up and drinking with friends, but then the majority of the guys you meet in pubs and clubs aren’t looking for the same thing you’re looking for. I’ve tried dating apps on my phone who find singles around me and guess what…they always seem to JUST WANT SEX. Now, I’ve resorted to dating sites like Oasis (because it’s free and I’m a student living on the bare minimal). And sure, I’ve met one or two guys who intrigue me but…it’s always sex…which is GREAT btw. But…It’s not like me. I’m not someone who wants to jump into the bed with a guy after one date. Yet, it happens a lot because a) I have little control (Shamefully) and b) I feel as though that’s what’s important to men nowadays. I’ve sold out. What kind of person am I if I’m willing to “sell out” to a guy and throw away everything I’ve stood for?
I can’t forgive myself. But I’m struggling like the rest of you singletons. Dating just isn’t easy nowadays! BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO DAMN HARD? Or do we make it harder than it needs to be?
You know, I often sit and wonder why it’s all changed or if my idea of love is wrong…if my expectations of love and relationships and guys are too high. But then a little voice comes into my head. Never lower your standards because everyone else can’t meet them. Does that mean I’m going to be single for the rest of my life? Is it punishment for wanting a genuinely good guy who won’t place such high importance on sex…who wants to settle down someday and take me to meet his parents…to wait til we are married to make love to have children because we love one another that much? I wish I could get answers to these questions.
Do we really have to resort to books on How To Date in order to find Mr. Perfect? Surely, it’s not THAT pathetic. I’m not even 20 yet but I still have an idea of what I want and yet the men I meet can’t seem to figure it out. Or at least, that’s what they tell me… Is that the “new” way of turning a girl down now boys? It’s pretty lame.
Instead of finding cures for cancer, they should find a way to create time travel so that hopeless romantics like myself can go back in time to when true romance was alive and marriage meant a lot more than a signature on a piece of paper.
Forever a cynical, doubtful, utterly HOPELESS romantic,