Is it too late?

Is this my “trial and error” for the relationships I’ll have in the future?

I mean, this girl I’m living with drives me insane! Every little thing she does annoys the crap out of me! She’s getting into my head. I can’t see past the despise I feel towards her. We were so close when we first met. We laughed and spent so many great times together. I loved hanging out. She felt like another best friend or a sister and now…well, we have more fights than I’ve EVER had with my two best friend’s combined. God she knows how to push my buttons! The way she controls everything- it has to be her way or the high way. I have no way of escaping it! I have signed a contract for a year and I am stuck living here. The biggest fight we had was sometime last week. I told her I won’t be going to Bali with her and I don’t think it’s a good idea we move in together once both our contracts are finished, all because of how rocky things have been for a while. She doesn’t express herself emotionally, whereas I do. A LOT! And she has NO problem saying whatever the hell she wants- even if it hurts someone’s feelings. It’s incredibly inconsiderate. I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to move past the issues we have. We’ve spoken about things and nothing has changed. 

Before we sat down and got everything out, I felt so betrayed and I was hurting so much 😦 I needed to make her feel the way she’s made me feel…so I went onto Facebook and I posted a status knowing full well that she would be reading it. I remember saying that “sometimes you need to learn when to cut some friendships lose”…or something along those lines. Apparently, that’s really hurt her and she says it hurt even more when she knew I deliberately set out to hurt her like that. I’ve said my “I’m  sorry”s and she says she accepts them but she hasn’t moved past it and I know it wouldn’t be easy. I don’t blame her. We have so many things we need to work through but as much as I would LOVE to, I don’t know if we can. Sometimes I feel she’s doing certain  things to make me feel jealous. Things she wouldn’t do with me, she’s now doing with other girls we live with. 

:(If that’s the case, I don’t think I want to be part of these childish games anymore. 

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I feel like I’m fighting for something that isn’t worth it anymore…it hurts. I HATE losing friendships! :'(. I hate friendships that were once so beautiful..fall apart. 

I had a similar problem. My ex-best friend in Scotland walked out of my life because it was too much to handle. We had made plans to move in together too. 

Everytime I get excited about a friendship or…anything!…it just falls apart. 

Why bother? 

I don’t see why I try. This situation has brought out the worst side of me and it kills me! It makes me sad! All I want is to have it the way it was!!! 😦 But I fear she’s moved on and maybe I should too. I don’t know. If she reads this, I know she’ll think I’ve given up but I honestly don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do or say. I’ve made the effort…as much as I feel I can. I feel desperate and I don’t want too. 

Is it meant to be this hard? 

I know it’s not meant to be smooth sails all the time but THIS hard? 

What do I do God? Anyone?

– Megan


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